Foundation Four Self-Care In Recovery: Emotional Reset and Refocus | 09+10+19

This, in my opinion, is the second most important of the Foundation Four Self-Care in Recovery . Our minds take almost the biggest hit when we are in active addiction or suffering from an illness. It doesn’t matter if you’re a drinker, druggie, or self-harmed; guaranteed your mind has gotten some very overwhelming damage. So when we are doing DAILY self-care it is important to remember our mind and emotions. There isn’t a day that I don’t have to Reset & Refocus my mind to better myself for the day ahead or from the day that just ended. See, on some days I have to double down on this step and practice in the morning and in the evening.

Emotional | Reset and Refocus

What can you do to Reset & Refocus? Unclutter that brain of yours! Release the emotions that you felt, address the worries you have, and understand that it is okay to feel the way your feeling. Our emotions can get us into trouble and cause us to do the unthinkable. So focus when you are practicing this and don’t try to do what works for someone else. You have to find what works for you. Keep a journal and write about what you have going on inside emotionally, describe what these emotions are making you feel and how it changes your train of thoughts, what fears to do you have? Affirmations and mediation are a life saver at times and can help us to begin to change the way we see life in general. As well, it can help us to learn and understand our emotions. Take the time to Reset your emotions by getting whatever you are feeling out of your mind and into the world. By this I mean write them down, record a video, talk to a trusted friend or therapist/coach, or simply say them out loud. Keeping our emotions inside can do more harm to us than if we let them be spoken.

Once you have Reset then you need to Refocus and get yourself back inline with your goals, routine, and choices. Know where you are in your life that day and what you have to do to make sure you stay on track. We have to stay focused on the task or items’ at hand to be able to be successful. Write down your goals for the day and add a note on the side on how you are going to get that goal done. Don’t overload yourself with goals or task. Keep it simple. Keep it focused. Remind yourself why you are doing the things you are doing, so that you can Refocus on your life one day at a time.

Our emotional damage that happens during the dark days often can leave us wrecked for years to come. Most of the time recovering addicts or those trying to heal from mental illness don’t allow themselves to feel the emotions that come with getting better. Like when they were using or struggling, they try to find a way of numbing or hiding their emotions only in a more rational way. But that is not a good idea at all and here’s why.

Hiding or numbing our emotions is what we were trying to do during the dark days. We did that by some sort of chemical- mind- altering- substance or “checking out” medication and thus lead us to total destruction of our lives. Now, how can on think it can be rational to hide or numb your emotions at all after that statement? Well, I’ll tell ya. It’s not! Like when we are trying to find the pieces of our souls, we need to embrace the emotions that we are currently feeling. Some days this will be easy because we will have something good happen or accomplish a goal of some sort and the emotions with that are good and beautiful. However, let’s face it. Not every day will our emotions going to be good and beautiful. There will be days that we cry for reasons that only we know, days that we are angry and just don’t want to deal with anyone, or days that all we can do is FEEL EVERY SINGLE BIT OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR PAST ACTIONS! Since we are trying to live a healthy life we at times will try to find a “rational” way to hide or numb these feelings or emotions. But our foundation of recovery should not be to hide or numb anything any longer; that is how we will break our addictions and illnesses. We have to face our emotions one at a time and learn what helps us through those emotions in a healthy way.

So taking time each day to Reset your emotions and then Refocus your mind will allow you to create a habit of embracing what happens whether good or bad and then striving on to live your life healthy and mentally stable. Because if we cannot control our emotions than we will be subject to fall back into the darkness and lose all that we have worked for or all that we will have through recovery.

On the days that it is harder, don’t allow yourself to be alone. Find someone you can trust or find someone who will just hold you and let you be you facing whatever it is your feeling. Remember to find what makes you happy and allow yourself to feel no matter what that emotion is, because so long as you want to live a good life you will be able to. But you have to take time daily to Reset and Refocus your emotions. Some may need to turn up the radio in the car and cry! Some may need to put on their boots and hit the woods and scream at the top of their lungs. Or maybe they might need to go to church and cry out to God and find peace. However, it is that you face your emotions is up to you but it is most important to face them daily.

There is no hiding.

There is no running.

There is no numbing.

So Reset your emotions and Refocus your mind.

That is all for now.

@chic_sober

Foundation Four Self-Care in Recovery: Series of Four Steps to Recovery Success | 09+06+19

Wow! Yesterday, I was not in a good place. I am intensely glad that this blog has a “Save Draft” button because I was about to get really dark on you guys. Now, of course I’ve done that a time or two but this was just really dark and though I’m not deleting it I won’t be posting it right now either. But it has reminded me that I needed to take a step back and remember who I am, what I am doing, how I got here, and what I am doing everything for.

I need to remember to self-care!

During our active addiction we do anything but self-care. We torture and torment our mind, body, and soul. We don’t think about self-care and how important it is for our everyday life. That is what I want to talk with you all about. Because it is extremely important for our sobriety to have self-care.

If you Google or Pinterest the words self-care you will see a million and one things. You’ll see quotes, or fitness tips, self-care charts, self-care challenges, and lots more. But self-care is different when your in recovery, because lets face it you are working overtime on this and things need to be addressed different. Your mind, body, and soul are not the same as someone who isn’t in recovery so things are drastically deeper than just your everyday self-care needs. So how do you take self-care and put it to work?

I am not a doctor or therapist or addiction counselor so please remember that. I am just giving advice on self-care in ways that it has worked for me over the past seven months.

Sober Soul is here, on this big world wide web because I want to help even at least one person through their darkness and show them that there is a way out and that we can live a good and healthy and beautiful life even after addiction or a dark time in our lives. I normally share my thoughts and opinions on a certain topic relating to addiction or mental health and go on about my own journey, but the past few weeks I have really been thinking of information that I would really be beneficial to those wanting to get sober, those in early sobriety, as well as anyone needing a foundation for bettering themselves after a dark time in their life.

I could sit here all day and list the different types of self-care but I want to talk to you about what I like to call….

For me, the steps of Foundation Four Self-Care in Recovery have kept me focused, happy, alive, and in recovery. I cannot tell you enough how much the Foundation Four has helped! These are not things that I learned in a class or in a meeting, but they are four parts of myself that I have taken extreme self-care in and found that without them I feel as if I cannot succeed. So therefore I want to share with you in detail each one of the four and hopefully they will help you too.

In this series I will dive deep into four parts of personal self-care that isn’t found anywhere else on the world wide web and put a whole new meaning to “Finding Yourself”!

These four foundations are:

  • Spiritual Soul Search
  • Emotional Reset and Refocus
  • Physical Alertness
  • Sensorial Embrace

Each and every single one of them make up each other and create the whole that we are trying to put together. We are getting another chance at being who we were meant to be and it is so important to be the best version of ourselves. I truly believe that we can begin #breakingaddiction and #healingmentalillness by practicing self-care.

I hope that you will enjoy and that if you will share with me your thoughts on the series.

That is all for now.

@chic_sober

Devine Understanding|08+12+19

The most recent picture I have of them
From left to right
Jaylynn | 7
Alyssa | 9
Zacary | 13
Haylie | 12

I love you and I miss you all so very much…..

This isn’t something I find myself doing a lot of here lately. Talking about my children. It is not because I don’t care or miss them, but in fact it is the opposite; its painfully hard to talk about them most days. But that is something that with lots of prayer I am going to change.

For me since getting sober there has been stages of consciousness of realization!

Stage 1 | Guilt overload

This stage is when I was fresh off the dope and my mind and body was still affected by the drugs and all I could do was either 1. feel sorry for myself or 2. feel an extreme amount of guilt for what I had done and how I lost custody of my kids. During this stage all I couldn’t speak thier name or look at a picture or hear a story about them because if I did all I would do is cry, get angry, or want to get high to forget! So I didn’t talk, let anyone talk, or look at thier pictures! I was in this stage for about 2 months or so.

Stage 2 | Acceptance and/or Acknowledgement

During this stage I began to come back to myself. I started to allow myself to feel things without getting overwhelmed. I didn’t let myself get angry or feel so much guilt because I knew I was on the right track. By the this point I started downloading all the pictures I could find of them and saved them to my screensaver and lockscreen. I was super emotional about the fact that I was missing out on a lot of things! All I wanted to do was consume myself in everything that dealt with my kids. I however, also accepted that I had made choices that now keep me away from them and the only way top fix that was to continue to stay clean and find a better life for myself. I was in this stage for about 1 n half months or so.

Stage 3 | Emotional Desire

This was the hardest stage for me since getting my act together. I found myself constantly asking God why I was ever given my children if he was going to keep me from them. I wanted them in my life now, I wanted to talk to them now, and I didn’t want to wait to share my good news with them for later; I wanted to share it now. Mentally I knew that I wasn’t ready to have them back because I still had things to work on but emotionally that didn’t matter! Emotionally all I wanted to do was be in thier presence, touch and hold them, hear thier voices. I was really worried about myself during this stage but I managed to make it through. I found video’s of my kids and listened and watched them over and over and over again. I creid so much! I laughed! I showed those video’s to whoever was around me about 10000 times! I gave myself the best possible medicine for being without them: hearing thier voices! I was in this stage for 3 months or so and it about killed me.

Stage 4 | Devine Understanding

And this is where I am at now with my children. I have a new Devine Understanding about the kids being in my life. This is been hard on me to really find some kind of peace. There has been days that I didn’t get out of bed until my Pastor’s wife came and dragged me out herself. Most this the stage where I learned! I have began my walk with God (getting Baptized and recieveing the Holy Ghost) and what he has taught me has forever changed my life. I can finally fine some peace in my heart about them. I have been in church crying my biggest cry to God, I have had people praying with me without knowing what I am praying for, I have had an extreme amount of spirit be put through my body and I know that God has been planning this all along. He has given me his Devine Understanding about me as a mother and them as my children. God, has showed me that he needs me to be ready to recieve them back into my life. He needs me to be financially, mentally, emotionally, physchally, & substancially ready to have them back. I am not fully there yet but when I am is when he will bring them back into my life. He needed me to be this person with this kind of devotion and dedication in me to truly love and serve him as I should. I know what he is asking of me and I will prove that I am true in my walk with him. I thank God for the blessings he has given me. This stage will be my final stage until they are with me again!


With all that being said, I miss them and wish that J would just answer the phone or video calls and let me talk to them even once a week. I know I did a lot wrong but I am thier mother and regardless one day they will see me again. I know J and Ash are taking great care of them but do they really love them if they keep me out? I can understand if I am using or acting a fool, but I am not that person anymore and they won’t even give me a chance to show them otherwise! Do they not understand that we are all human and make mistakes? Either way I continue to pray for them.

I do believe its time I share my letters to my kids on here. I wrote each of my kids a letter a few weeks back and wasn’t going to share them but I need to!

Mama loves you guys!

That is all for now.

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q8 | 5+31+19

Q8: Where in your life do you need to slow down & take your time?

A8: Getting my kids back

I’ve thought on this a bit and I know that this is going to be super hard, but it will be so worth it when the time arrives for me to pursue custody. I have a bad habit of rushing through things that I cannot wait for. Something I am excited or anxious about and I just want to hurry up and get tot the end result.

But I simply cannot do that with getting back the kids. God, knows I wish that I could, but I have to do this right. If I make one single mistake it can set me back so drastically. I don’t want to spend any more time away from them that I have too. However, I have a plan that I have set out so that it is fool & fail proof. Because failure is not an option. When the time comes and I am ready for court and paperwork I will be able to sit back and let it happen.

How? Well, all I can say is that I have been planning this for months and still have a lot to get in order. This is the world wide web and that my friends keeps me from saying anymore.

I tell myself everyday, ” Just slow down Candance, it will happen soon enough. Your time is coming and God is with you every step of the way so keep hanging on sweet girl.”

I’ve thought over and over 1000000 times what that day is going to be like! 🙂

That is all for now my loves!

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q7 | 05+30+19

Q7: Name a thing you love about your body & your personality

A7: My eyes or smile & that i’m goofy!

I don’t really like talking about these parts of me because I’d rather dig deeper into life lol but these are fun questions too.

My eyes because they are super dark blue but when I’m mad or upset they turn gray! And when I’m really excited or happy they have a real deep blue and green tint to them. So they change and I like that. If you want to know how I’m feeling its easily done by looking into/at my eyes. I give it all away by those things alone! Take a look!

From late last year but I love my eyes here! Notice the bluish green? I was soon fixing to see my kids!

As for my smile because I just couldn’t choose! My teeth are not the straightest and my teeth defintely could use a whitening treatment but I take care of them as much as the every day stuff will allow. But I really like my smile because its BIG! And when I’m smiling it is GENUINE! I don’t fake that shit! Because thats not me. I’ve had ex-boyfriends tell me that I have that smile that will light up a room & a laugh too hahah but hey who really knows! Anyways, take a look yourself!

Just the other day! Smile gurrrrlll!

So my personality is crazy yall! I am outgoing and goofy. Being so goofy is my favorite for sure. I love to make people laugh and most of the time I do a good job at it. If its singing out so loud that you can’t help but laugh or dancing like the redneck next door, there’s no doubt your going to laugh! I am that goofy girl who will make sure your laughing. That is what is so dang great about yours truly! So here ya go. Me being me! Take a look.

Your welcome for this! 🤓🤓🤓😋😋😋😋

Recovery is Freedom

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q6 | 5+29+19

Q6: What do you need to forgive yourself for?

A6: the past 3 years of mistakes aka drug use

Oh I knew that I would have to get into this part of my life while answering these questions. I don’t know how to really even explain my answer other than to tell you all that I chose drugs over everything and everyone in my life. Yes that is including my children, sadly. This is something I have been working on for a while now. Because I need to forgive myself if I want God, my children, and my family/friends to forgive me too. I made so many mistakes that it’s hard to list them all. I didn’t start out choosing drugs first over everything and everyone else. I was managing my pill habit just fine but then I started to make the choice to not pay bills and I chased that high. Once I realized I needed to stop the pills I started to do Meth and that was an even bigger mistake because with pills I was still myself mostly but with Meth, nothing else really matters but Meth.

I can’t tell you why I let it get so bad only that it did and it happen quickly. I love my children more than my own life and how Meth was able to diminish that out of me I’ll never understand. But it did and that’s why I choose to not do it now, because I can no longer have my children believing that I love DRUGS more than I love them. I let them down so much. I allowed their dad to get custody, I stopped showing up for things that I promised I would, I stopped playing with them, I stopped listening to them, I stopped tucking them in bed at night, I stopped saying their prayers with them. I didn’t let them cook dinner with me, dancing in the kitchen, singing in the car, playing outside, showing them my undeniable love. It breaks my heart to know that I in so many ways let them down. God, I pray they allow me to make it up to them one day.

Forgive

verb

stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

definition of forgive

To forgive myself I need to do what is listed above. Have a fully forgiven myself? No! But I am making progress. I still get that knot in my stomach when I talk about what my drug use did to my children. I don’t know if that will go away or if it is part of my healing. I know that I am living every single day for my kids; for getting back to them. See their dad J, he seems to think that me out of their life forever is what is best. They have their step mom Ash and a perfect little life with them. But she is not me and neither of them can love them the way that I do.

I faltered for a moment and God knows I at times want to take it back but I love them with every single fiber of my SOUL!

If I had not gone through of the things I have went through the past year I would not be able to be who I am today. And I am happy with who I am. Later down the road my children are going to face situations like I have and I want to be able to be honest with them when I say ” I understand what your going through”.

Something their father nor Ash will be able too.

Because of their super clean life.

Lets face it. We have 4 children and of those 4 at least 1 if not 2 of them are going to face the drug world. And because I have been through what I have I will know how hard it will be to not do them, stop doing them, or battle with addiction. And because of all this I will be able to help them through it. I know now that God put me through that struggle for reasons. So I am able to start forgiving myself for doing the drugs. I am also in the process of forgiving myself for letting my children down so drastically. This is a little bit harder because I cannot talk to my kids right now.

J refuses to let me.

That is his mistake.

My gain

In time, however, my sweet perfect babies will know that I was sick but not one moment in time did I ever stop loving them.

In time, I’ll have them back. In time, they’ll have me back too.

Just wait and see.

Recovery is Freedom

@sobersoulchic

Sober Soul Chic | 5+28+19

I’ve been doing some soul searching. Trying to really find what I want to do in life. I think we all have some kind of message we are supposed to share. I am constantly on the search for mine. And for years even before my battle with addiction I have always felt like I was supposed to somehow help those who struggle with addiction.

Since I was a baby I’ve been around drugs. My father, “Pedro” is an addict, my moms an addict, my grandfather, uncles, aunt, and even my dad “Steve”. Everyone except my grandmother has battled addiction. So it’s in my blood, in my gene’s, and in my soul! However, I have decided to WIN THE WAR & be a Sober Soul Chic in the mix! I am going to do all that I can to share and educate those on how to get sober, stay sober, & be free of the chains & pain addiction gives them.

This blog, Chaotic Candance started out as a place for my kids to see me post videos for them and find me one day, but it has grew to be something more. In fact, when my kids do go looking for me and they come across this blog I want them to see good I am trying to do and what I am becoming. Because no one is my inspiration more than my 4 beautiful babies!

This is going to be a ever-changing, continuously growing, and beautiful thing building for a while until Sober Soul Chic aka Chic Sober is fully bloomed but I can’t wait to see what it becomes.

This is what I’m meant to do. Share my story and share other’s stories to show all those who battle with addiction that RECOVERY is possible! And most importantly show my kids that I AM SOBER & CLEAN & IN RECOVERY FOR THEM!

So as I do some new branding, updating sites & post, figuring out how to really hit the ground running, & sharing the brand new Sober Soul Chic I hope you’ll be encouraging and give any advice you might have!

Much love!

@chic_sober