Q17: When was the last time you indulged yourself and why?
A17: Church Camp!
I bought myself some clothes! Why? Well for one I am huge these days and nothing fits me! I still want to feel like I look pretty and feel good about myself. There were young girls and very pretty women walking around looking beautiful and here I was dressed in clothes that were not fit to my body right and made me feel outdated and unruly.
I wanted to feel pretty.
Yes I know that is silly at 31 years old but I am still a woman and I am still young and these are my truths. I went from a size 2/3 weighing 115lbs to a size 12/14 weighing 165lbs in 165 days! That is 50lbs! My body is not what I want it to be. So I decided since they were selling all these cute dresses and skirts with tops to match I would just do something for ME and buy a few! I walked out of there with a super cute long soft blue dress with pockets! A lepord pencil skirt, a super cute tshirt, and a cardigan that will go with anything! I felt like I looked totally different.
Q16: What is the most loving thing you’ve ever done for yourself?
A16: Get clean and sober!
No doubt this answer is easy! I put myself through hell during the Devil Days and my body, mind, and soul was wrecked! My hair was falling out, nails wouldn’t grow, skin looked horrible, I was too skinny, and there were huge bags under my eyes. I am only 31 but I looked 45! I didn’t care what was happening to my mind, body, and soul. Getting clean I can now see how horrible I treated myself inside and out. It was the kindest and most loving thing I could have ever done for myself was to get clean.
Now, my hair is growing, my nails are long, my skin looks great, and I have a good weight size! Of course I need to keep my weight in check or else I’m going to look like a hippo in a wal-mart bag but still I am healthy. You can’t look at me now and tell that I ever did drugs because I look good.
I love myself again and that feels great. I know that I can be somebody now and that feels great too.
Q8: Where in your life do you need to slow down & take your time?
A8: Getting my kids back
I’ve thought on this a bit and I know that this is going to be super hard, but it will be so worth it when the time arrives for me to pursue custody. I have a bad habit of rushing through things that I cannot wait for. Something I am excited or anxious about and I just want to hurry up and get tot the end result.
But I simply cannot do that with getting back the kids. God, knows I wish that I could, but I have to do this right. If I make one single mistake it can set me back so drastically. I don’t want to spend any more time away from them that I have too. However, I have a plan that I have set out so that it is fool & fail proof. Because failure is not an option. When the time comes and I am ready for court and paperwork I will be able to sit back and let it happen.
How? Well, all I can say is that I have been planning this for months and still have a lot to get in order. This is the world wide web and that my friends keeps me from saying anymore.
I tell myself everyday, ” Just slow down Candance, it will happen soon enough. Your time is coming and God is with you every step of the way so keep hanging on sweet girl.”
I’ve thought over and over 1000000 times what that day is going to be like! 🙂
Q7: Name a thing you love about your body & your personality
A7: My eyes or smile & that i’m goofy!
I don’t really like talking about these parts of me because I’d rather dig deeper into life lol but these are fun questions too.
My eyes because they are super dark blue but when I’m mad or upset they turn gray! And when I’m really excited or happy they have a real deep blue and green tint to them. So they change and I like that. If you want to know how I’m feeling its easily done by looking into/at my eyes. I give it all away by those things alone! Take a look!
As for my smile because I just couldn’t choose! My teeth are not the straightest and my teeth defintely could use a whitening treatment but I take care of them as much as the every day stuff will allow. But I really like my smile because its BIG! And when I’m smiling it is GENUINE! I don’t fake that shit! Because thats not me. I’ve had ex-boyfriends tell me that I have that smile that will light up a room & a laugh too hahah but hey who really knows! Anyways, take a look yourself!
So my personality is crazy yall! I am outgoing and goofy. Being so goofy is my favorite for sure. I love to make people laugh and most of the time I do a good job at it. If its singing out so loud that you can’t help but laugh or dancing like the redneck next door, there’s no doubt your going to laugh! I am that goofy girl who will make sure your laughing. That is what is so dang great about yours truly! So here ya go. Me being me! Take a look.
Q2: What is a limiting belief that you have about yourself that you can let go?
A2: that i need someone to lead me or to survive in life!
That is NEED someone to lead me or survive! This has been a problem for me almost my whole life and I really don’t even know why because I have survived on my own many time. As a child I had to take care of myself from time to time because it was just my mother & I. She would be working, off on drunk or drug spree, or just simply not around. I learned early how to cook for myself, clean, be by myself & much more by the age of 10/12 years old. Then once I got married to J he was mostly deployed for months at a time and I was at home with the kids doing the day to day life alone as well. This is where I picked up my strong ability to care for our children. And since I’ve gotten divorced I have had parts of life where I have survived on my own but panicked thinking I couldn’t.
I’ve showed myself that I am able. That I can make it on my own or with someone beside me. Throughout my entire life. But still to this very day I feel a sense of dependency. Why? I can’t tell you. Maybe, it has something to do with me having this huge need to feel NEEDED? Could that be? Have you ever felt like you wanted/needed to be needed so bad that you actually thought you NEEDED someone else instead? Crazy way to think of things but I honestly feel like that’s it.
This belief in myself limits me from time to time I know. I hope that being truly on my own will conquer that and give me a sense of freedom from myself. Because I can survive life without anyone. I want to be needed but not always in life will I be able to be fulfilled on this. I know this now and I can maybe move past it.
What about you? Please feel free to share with me. I’d love to know