Foundation Four Self-Care in Recovery: Series of Four Steps to Recovery Success | 09+06+19

Wow! Yesterday, I was not in a good place. I am intensely glad that this blog has a “Save Draft” button because I was about to get really dark on you guys. Now, of course I’ve done that a time or two but this was just really dark and though I’m not deleting it I won’t be posting it right now either. But it has reminded me that I needed to take a step back and remember who I am, what I am doing, how I got here, and what I am doing everything for.

I need to remember to self-care!

During our active addiction we do anything but self-care. We torture and torment our mind, body, and soul. We don’t think about self-care and how important it is for our everyday life. That is what I want to talk with you all about. Because it is extremely important for our sobriety to have self-care.

If you Google or Pinterest the words self-care you will see a million and one things. You’ll see quotes, or fitness tips, self-care charts, self-care challenges, and lots more. But self-care is different when your in recovery, because lets face it you are working overtime on this and things need to be addressed different. Your mind, body, and soul are not the same as someone who isn’t in recovery so things are drastically deeper than just your everyday self-care needs. So how do you take self-care and put it to work?

I am not a doctor or therapist or addiction counselor so please remember that. I am just giving advice on self-care in ways that it has worked for me over the past seven months.

Sober Soul is here, on this big world wide web because I want to help even at least one person through their darkness and show them that there is a way out and that we can live a good and healthy and beautiful life even after addiction or a dark time in our lives. I normally share my thoughts and opinions on a certain topic relating to addiction or mental health and go on about my own journey, but the past few weeks I have really been thinking of information that I would really be beneficial to those wanting to get sober, those in early sobriety, as well as anyone needing a foundation for bettering themselves after a dark time in their life.

I could sit here all day and list the different types of self-care but I want to talk to you about what I like to call….

For me, the steps of Foundation Four Self-Care in Recovery have kept me focused, happy, alive, and in recovery. I cannot tell you enough how much the Foundation Four has helped! These are not things that I learned in a class or in a meeting, but they are four parts of myself that I have taken extreme self-care in and found that without them I feel as if I cannot succeed. So therefore I want to share with you in detail each one of the four and hopefully they will help you too.

In this series I will dive deep into four parts of personal self-care that isn’t found anywhere else on the world wide web and put a whole new meaning to “Finding Yourself”!

These four foundations are:

  • Spiritual Soul Search
  • Emotional Reset and Refocus
  • Physical Alertness
  • Sensorial Embrace

Each and every single one of them make up each other and create the whole that we are trying to put together. We are getting another chance at being who we were meant to be and it is so important to be the best version of ourselves. I truly believe that we can begin #breakingaddiction and #healingmentalillness by practicing self-care.

I hope that you will enjoy and that if you will share with me your thoughts on the series.

That is all for now.

@chic_sober

Reason’s Why | 08+14+19

There is always a reason…..

that we use drugs. Now, I’m not talking about those phony reason’s addicts give like, “I wanted to see what it was like” or “just because I wanted too” no I am talking about those deep dark wounds that eat away at us until we decide that we cannot handle it any longer and we use for the first time.

I am talking deep dark reason’s!

According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 19.7 million American adults (aged 12 and older) battled a substance use disorder in 2017.1

I would almost bet that at least one person that lives on your street is a drug user or at least has been a drug user. Why? Because so many of us battle with this! Addiction and Mental Health Disorders (MHD) are becoming an epidemic and we need to try and stop it! Now, that I have mentioned MHD’s you should know that they go hand in hand with Addiction and shouldn’t be taken lightly!

In 2017, 8.5 million American adults suffered from both a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder, or co-occurring disorders.1

Now, let me say this. If you have never suffered from a mental health disorder or a substance use disorder you might say that it is non-nonsence and that those who use or battle with mental health should just “say no to drugs” or “see the brighter side of life” and then everything will be just fine!

I ASSURE IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY…..

Throughout my childhood I remember seeing so many people drink, smoke weed, and be “high” of course I didn’t know that then but I know it now. My mom and I once lived in a motel that was connected to a bar so that she didn’t have to worry about driving or finding me a sitter! In fact I would watch myself most nights and that was Okay with me. Now, don’t think badly of my mother because she loved me and I knew that every second of everyday! She always told me so.

She simply was an addict and couldn’t find her stopping point. In fact, she wouldn’t find her stopping point until after I started using drugs and then stopped using them myself!

Anyhow, the reason I told you that short little story is I can remember the feeling of seeing my mom drunk, the feeling of loniliness, the feeling of fear, and most the feeling of anger that I was never going to drink those ” silly drinks” that my mom drank. I didin’t want to ever want to put my kids in that situation. I had always lived by that defining moment in my life.

Of course once I got married and began my struggle with my own MHD I would later find that my own struggle would be worse than what my mother put me through; with my own children.

I wish I had known that my depression and anxiety and feelings of not being good enough in my marriage to J would lead me to self destruction! I wish that I had know that what I was dealing with wasn’t normal and that I needed help!

However, I was too good at hiding my pain! And I had never experienced depression or anxiety or anything of the sorts. I was always just the one to take care of people such as my mom or myself or my friends. I didn’t understand that my 8 year marriage to J was destructive and mentally abusive and that I was sick by the time it ended.

My mental health disorder was my reason……

My dark deep reason for using I now know was that I never felt good enough. I never felt like I was going to amount to anything because I always needed someone to be there for me as an adult.

You see growing up I took care of myself and my mom but once I fell so deeply in love with J I relied on him for my happiness! And instead of real happiness he devoured me in lies, heartache, unworthiness, and tears. So I never got to be happy and I never really got my independence back until 6 months ago when I decided to get clean and sober.

Now, I’m not trying to say that J is the reason I was a user.

I am that reason. My emotions. My decisions. My own darkness.

We have additional add on features that help us most of the time. Such as the mental illiness that I delveloped from being married to J, my gentics on both side of parents who are users/addicts, and people, places, and things.

However, we all have that ONE REASON that we use.

That is mine. I needed to exscape that feeling of not being worthy, of not being an independent mother, of not having the ability to care for myself or my children properly.

Once I divorced J my mother was always around. There were times here and there that she would get locked up or whatever and I would find myself on my own. Of course I would run to someone and ask for help. I would never do it on my own!

I didn’t believe in myself enough to try and do it on my own.

All the while I see TJ and his at the time wife in active heavy meth addiction. I would cry and cry and cry for them and wish that they would see that life wasn’t good being a user and I would rescue them from whatever issue they had gotten themselves into.

Little did I know that I would become a second runner for being the worst of the worst.

But I remember the first time I did a pain pill! Now, I am not going to state who gave me that first taste of my high’s because this person is a good person she is just lost! So we will call her “Jessie”

I was hurting. My stomach was in unbearable pain. So Jessie told me to take a pill. What she meant was to snort it. Just snot a little line and it will hit you fast and you wont feel a thing. In fact, you will feel loads better and might help me clean this house!”

Now, lets hit the pause button. I was hurting but I knew I didn’t want to open the door for that. I knew that I come from addicts and that I didn’t want to open that door for myself.

And then again…..

I knew that Jessie and everyone else who used pain pills felt like a million bucks without overdoing it. They didn’t lose a bunch of weight or act like idiots or get crater face! So maybe I could just do a few lines of the pills and feel good for a while! I have self control and this I know!

Unpause!

I did it. I snorted my first pill and it was exhilerating! I felt no pain and I did help her clean that house! And I played outside with my kids for hours and then after they went to bed I did it again and then before I knew it my body couldn’t function without it!

I didn’t care though. I felt good. I didn’t worry so much about not being good enough for anyone. I still was managing!

It didnt’ take long before I was spending $350 a day on Roxy’s and almost overdosed 3 times! I was out of control and everyone could see it!

Especially, J! He took his opportunity and got temp custody and when he did I was done for! I said no I will not keep doing this I am going to get my kids back and I have got to stop doing pills!

But then the withdrawls! Oh they were worse than anything I have ever been through. I couldn’t do it; it was too much.

So Jessie had an idea! She said ” Do you trust me?” and I said of course I trust you!

Well, then she told me that she knew a way that I could come off the Roxy’s without feeling the withdrawls. Oh I was all ears at this point! But then she tells me that what she is talking about is using METH for just 1 whole week. I won’t feel the pain of withdrawing and since METH dont’ have no real addiction qualities I will be able to stop. No one will ever know!

I faught it yall!

I did.

But the pain was too much and I looked around and my kids were gone and I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was not feel this pain both physcal and mentally.

So I used METH and my life was over. Oh don’t get me wrong Jessie was right that I wouldn’t want the pills no more nor would I feel that pain. But she was wrong when she said I would be able to stop.

I didn’t and I kept going and I became a monster. I became someone I never thought I would be.

Now, what if I had never felt that feeling of not being good enough? That feeling of unworthiness. That feeling of failing in so many ways.

Would I have ever used drugs or pain medication?

I true don’t think I would have.

That was my reason! I deleveloped a serious mental health issue that lead me to using and I don’t wish that on anyone!

Ask any user or recovering addict why they began to use and I assure that they will pinpoint it back to some form of mental health issue or feeling of not being good enough!

I know that we can fix this! Our generation is brilliant and there has to be a way to reduce the risk of mental illiness thus reducing drug abuse!

That is all for now.

chic_sober

Statisics found at

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/addiction-statistics

#beatingaddiction | 08+13+19

These images I’m sharing are hard to look at. What you are seeing is my downfall and my rise above through pictures. The top row is from December 2016 thorough March 2018! This was 27 months of pure hell and I still continued on for another 11, months making it a total of 34 months!!! The bottom row is just the last few months pictures from June – August! I started out with massive pain pill addiction from percacets to Roxy’s and During my most active addiction days I was a heavy Meth user. I battled with depression, suscide, and losing my children which was almost the death of me. I was down to 98 lbs and did not even know if I was going to live or die! I felt guilty, unloved, ashamed, and like I couldn’t find peace or a way out of the world I was living! 
But God has delivered me of my addictions and I have been given a chance at life and I want to show the world just how great, kind, forgiving, & loving our Lord & Savior really is! I’ve never step foot into a rehab nor have I ever attended a meeting for my addiction. I have asked God to forgive me of my sins and deliver me a clean heart! And he has! I am #175dayssober and I don’t have desire to use or go back to that life! I am happy, healthy, loving, and ALIVE! Everyday I follow the plan God has sent for me and I survive and I add another day to my life! I know #recoveryispossible and I will soon see my children again. If you are struggling with addiction of any kind and you think you can handle it you are wrong! If you think you are managing you are wrong! If you think you still love you family,friends, and especially your children the same way you are wrong! You love that addiction more than anything else while you are using and that won’t change until you MAKE THAT CHOICE TO STOP! But you can stop! I am just an ordinary woman but I want you to all see that it is possible to beat the Devil and start #beatingaddiction
Im living proof! | #mytestonmony#recovery#lifeafteraddiction#sobersoulchic#ShareStrong#rawandreal#methrecovery#pillrecovery#godwilldeliver#GodStrong#GodsPlan#heisneverlate#cleanheart

That wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be…

But that is the post that I shared on my IG (you can find the orginal post HERE) the other day. It is a collage of me in some of my worst active addiction days and then some of my best of me now.

Now, don’t get me wrong I know I have a long way to go but what I am trying to share is that there is hope for you to recover! I want you to see that I am not some person being paid on a commerical for a rehab center, I am a real person!

I have Gone from the top to deepest bottom and then come to rise above it all. These words I’m saying aren’t to sell you something or try to get you to subscribe! They are just me telling you exactly how I feel.

There are addicts right now struggling with wanting to get clean and not knowing what to do or that they can even do it because they have tried before and failed!

I did too!

But I want those people to know that there is a way out! There is a chance at life after addiction. There are steps, decisions, choices, and plans to make that will allow you to live a life full of pride, intergity, honesty, love, compassion, and so much more! Everyone is different and some will need more help but I assure you that if you WANT to stop you can do so! I want to help you and I want you to know you are not alone!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q19 | 06+11+19

Q19: How are you making the world a better place?

A19: Spreading goodness, kindess, & loving people.

I have to say I don’t really think I am one of those people making the world a better place. I am just one person and some days I can barely breath because of my own worries. However, I do try my best these days to be kind to everyone I meet, do good in the community around me, and love both those who deserve it and those who don’t.

Now, if the question had asked how I WANT to make the world a better place? My answer would be this:

I would like to start a non-profit that helps those going through addiction. Offer them a completely free place to get sober and find a life after addiction. This place would be at no cost to them. They would have housing, jobs, a personal life coach, church services, and we would teach them about life stability, mental stability, physical stabiliy, healthy relationships, sobriety success, caring for themselves and others, and anything else needed to know about being in recovery. This place wouldn’t be about strick rules or court orders (though I would offer it through the court systems) it would be a place to make them feel like they can do this on thier own without actually being on thier own. And as they grew in thier sobreity I would help them to inspire other’s so that they felt the importance of thier success.

I know there are rehabs and centers to get help. However, 99% of those places force you to stay, cost you and your family thousands of dollars, teach you the text book basics, and never care to help you more once you have “completed” or left thier program.

Mine would be different. Each person would have thier own life coach and even after they left that person would be welcome any time to come back incase of extra help needed or whatever the reason!

BE THE CHANGE

Addiction is an epidemic and it needs to stop. Addiction takes the lives of otherwise beautiful, kind, smart, & fantastic individuls and ruins every part of them and thier families lives. There needs to be a place that people can really offer help and actually CARE about the people that walked through the doors.

Teens and adults suffer from addiction and I want to help both. That is how I would truly like to change the world!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q15 | 06+07+19

Q15: What are you afraid to ask for? What do you need to speak up about?

A15: I am afraid to ask if TJ really loves me! I need to speak up about addiction & recovery.

The first answer is a touchy topic for me. I don’t talk about our relationship much because I have a lot of insecurities that I hide or at least try to hide them. When we were doing the drugs all we did was fight and spend every waking minute together. Of course there were moments where things were good. During the moments of intimancy things were always intense and almost an all the time thing. Now, that we are sober we have our own lives such as work, hobbies, and relaxing times. We each do our own thing and though we are still spending time together, things are not the same. I sometimes feel like we are roomates who happen to be intimate with each other from time to time. I know that I make him smile and that he cares for me deeply but I am not sure that he is “in love” with me. I don’t feel that tingling touch from him anymore because well he doesn’t touch me much these days. His kisses are pecks never really anything intimate. He used to look at me with desire and fire in his eyes and now I am lucky to get him to really look at me at all. When I walk in a room I want his eyes to fall on mine and I don’t want to question if it is love and desire that I see in them; right now all I see is uncertinaty. He doesn’t try to take me on dates or to do anything really special, he doesn’t ever just stop and hold me and tell me that he loves his life with me and that he is glad to be living this life with me. Now, I know I don’t do these things either and I don’t “try” right now much myself but I don’t want to put my all into this and then get my heart broken. He is the man in our relationship and I have always been very clear on what I need from him; so why don’t he try now? I just want to feel that fire from him that I felt when we first got together. I struggle with this a lot here lately. But I am too afraid of what his honest answer will be if I ask him, do you really love me?

Here we are!

Whoa, now that I am done with that brutally honest answer! I really need to start speaking up about addiction, recovery, and the like! I want to get out more and find others who need help and show them that there are ways to make it out and live a good life. I want to offer support, advice, and more to those in need of help from addiction. Most of the programs available you have to have money and I want to be able to help them no matter if they have money or not. I have began developing a plan to start putting this into action. Baby steps I guess, uh?

That is al for now

@chic_sober

Chic_Sober Spotlight | 06+01+19

I wanted to share a few stories with you all from people that are currently going through the recovery process. Some are just starting their journey and some have been in recovery for years. Either way thier stories are all different but each wonderful and interesting.

I am a member of a Facebook group called CLEAN & SOBER- Addiction Recovery Support Group. Here in this group of over 56,000 members you will find constant beautiful support and encouragement. Members are welcomed daily and share their stories, struggles, fears, accomplishments, & support. I was hesitant at first to make any real post because I didn’t want people judging. However, that is not what your going to find in this group. Everyone there knows what your going through and they honestly want to help! There are some members that post more than others but guarantee that whether or not they are posting; they are reading and getting support they need. There is some kind of comfort knowing that there is someone out there currently going through what your going through and making it!

On the days that someone is having a bad day and they post about it you will find hundreds of comments full of encouragement and support to make it better. You’ll find FB Live video’s on a regular basis because it helps to create a family of support. And believe me they talk about EVERYTHING! But they also laugh, cry, pray, and encourage each other.

Its a beautiful thing.

So I asked for anyone who might want to do a Q&A series with me for the blog and I got a few takers! I was extremely excited and can’t wait to share with you what I learned and the journey’s of these courageous people.

I’ll be sharing each person’s story on a separate post because I want to give them their own spotlight. Please be kind and understand it takes a lot for some to share. I hope you enjoy this series as much as I do!

Remember

Recovery is Freedom

That is all for now

@sobersoulchic

Sober Soul Chic | 5+28+19

I’ve been doing some soul searching. Trying to really find what I want to do in life. I think we all have some kind of message we are supposed to share. I am constantly on the search for mine. And for years even before my battle with addiction I have always felt like I was supposed to somehow help those who struggle with addiction.

Since I was a baby I’ve been around drugs. My father, “Pedro” is an addict, my moms an addict, my grandfather, uncles, aunt, and even my dad “Steve”. Everyone except my grandmother has battled addiction. So it’s in my blood, in my gene’s, and in my soul! However, I have decided to WIN THE WAR & be a Sober Soul Chic in the mix! I am going to do all that I can to share and educate those on how to get sober, stay sober, & be free of the chains & pain addiction gives them.

This blog, Chaotic Candance started out as a place for my kids to see me post videos for them and find me one day, but it has grew to be something more. In fact, when my kids do go looking for me and they come across this blog I want them to see good I am trying to do and what I am becoming. Because no one is my inspiration more than my 4 beautiful babies!

This is going to be a ever-changing, continuously growing, and beautiful thing building for a while until Sober Soul Chic aka Chic Sober is fully bloomed but I can’t wait to see what it becomes.

This is what I’m meant to do. Share my story and share other’s stories to show all those who battle with addiction that RECOVERY is possible! And most importantly show my kids that I AM SOBER & CLEAN & IN RECOVERY FOR THEM!

So as I do some new branding, updating sites & post, figuring out how to really hit the ground running, & sharing the brand new Sober Soul Chic I hope you’ll be encouraging and give any advice you might have!

Much love!

@chic_sober