A25: Writing/Words, Photography, Creative Thinking and ……..
I love to write. Any kind of writing it doesn’t really matter but I like it. That is why I have this blog, well that and I wanna share my story and I need a place to vent sometimes! 🙂 Or you could say that I’m just good with words. I can say the right ones or the wrong ones if I want too even. I have been this way since I was a kid and this is one thing that I love about myself!
All these are mine! 🙂 I took these 🙂
Photography. I love everything about it it! I find that I am pretty good at taking photographs and making them look to a professional standard. I love photography!
Creative thinking! I am creative in many ways and that is why I said creative thinking. I can find something creative in almost anything and that comes in handy with my current classes at school!
Q3: What good habit do you want to begin next month?
A3: CONSISTENCY
I am getting better! But this is something that I sometimes can fall back on. I will get side tracked or distracted and not do what I need to on a regular basis.
1. conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness.
So there you have it. I need to be more consistent! I’ve given myself a head start on here for doing this next month because I’ve dedicated myself to this 28 Questions series and I really want to follow it through. The questions get more in-tune with who I am a little later into it. So far I am enjoying this! I think that in June I want to do a Questions series tailored around Addiction. I feel like its something I need to do!
Anyways, I’ve went and got myself one of the beautiful planners from,–> The Happy Planner! They are super fun and insanely pretty! You can create your own personalized planner and make planning fun! This is hopefully going to help me organize all that I have going on and what I have to do and it’ll be pretty too! You should definitely check them out here @ —-> website shop where you can get awesome deals! They are also sold here –> Wal-Mart There are tons of styles, stickers, & journals!
I think we all forget to remind ourselves sometimes that we are good & beautiful. So for the lack there of I decided to answer 28 Questions that are related to me, myself, & I.
I found this idea on Pintrest and think it’s going to really open up my mind to see that I have come a long way and that I am still a good person even though I have made some really bad choices. I hope maybe you will enjoy getting to know me a little better too. These answer’s may be short and then again they may be long, but guarantee they will be a reflection of me and honest!
Q1: What is your biggest struggle with loving yourself?
A1: Its’ not that I don’t love myself, because I do. But there are many different parts of me that I don’t feel secure about. I have messed up so drastically in the recent years that I feel like I am so very much imperfect. Physically I love myself. I consider myself attractive & a beautiful person. Internally I am a good person but I have just made so many wrong choices and this makes it a bit harder to really say that I love myself. Now, I am starting to love myself again so that is progress. I can look in the mirror now and be content with the woman staring back at me. I can look at her and know that she is taking steps every day to be a better person than she used to be. I just still have many things to make up for before I can really love myself. I am my biggest struggle. Because I can’t love myself until I have corrected the wrongs for losing who I was before the drugs and bullshit life I was living that caused me to lose my children. I am making hella progress but I’m not fully there yet.
Today my friends is a bit harder than some. You see, most day’s I can control my emotions. I don’t allow them to control me or overwhelm me because once I do I know I am subject to a setback. I am making progress though because today I have let myself run with my emotions but not set back too much.
Emotionally I’m screwed up today.
I’ve felt lonely. I’ve cried without immediate reason. I’ve thought to much on what I don’t have. Tears, frustration, anger,doubt, & sadness has overfilled me today.
This is the shit I don’t like!
Because understand what I am saying when I feel these emotions. I hit my knee’s out of nowhere because I can’t breath from crying. I feel a tightening in my chest because I literally become aware of my children absence in my life both physically and emotionally. I get snappy with someone I love because I am frustrated that I am not already at the point of being able to see or talk to the kids. I tell myself over and over out loud how STUPID I was messing up our lives over drugs and insane chaos. I feel a pressing cloud of anxiety because I start to doubt myself and where I can go and what I can achieve because the emotions are consuming me. I can’t even look at a picture of them and be happy. Because sadness has taken over me completely. THEY are my happiness but on days like today I am so aware that my happiness is NOWHERE near me or my life and I can’t take it.
I just need these emotions to pass! I am almost 100 days sober! I have a good job, a place of my own, a truck of my own, money in my bank account, my health, someone who loves me and supports me, family that is there for me every step of the way, & a God above that has blessed me, especially here lately.
Life is coming together.
Life is progressing along .
Life isn’t being completely unfair to me.
Life is worth living again.
Life is moving in the direction I need it to so that I can be a great mom to my kids.
Life is recovering for me.
These are my reminders that I can and HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THESE EMOTIONALLY DIFFICULT TIMES!
I have to keep moving forward to make it back to my children. I can’t be broken and half dazed. No, I have to be completely healed and rejuvenated when I see them next.
So that’s why I come here and I share. Because somehow me writing these words help me by the time I hit publish. I don’t know why but I have to come here and push, push,push these buttons so that I can figure out a way and why I have to push, push, push through life!
Hello all! I do hope your doing good and had a wonderfully safe weekend! For me it was long & eventful. But I have good news updates and some very exciting things to share.
Last week, I landed myself a JOB! After weeks of countless applications & interviews I was hired on at the wonderful Summerplace Inn Destin! It is a beautiful 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 hotel and I’ll be working at the front desk. My pay is great and I’ll be able to move up quickly. Not to mention the cruise they send their employees on! Anyhow, I start TODAY! I’m super excited. My boss Jen is the sweetest!
Yours truly at my interview!
I’m proud to say that TJ got himself a fan-friggin-tastic JOB too! He’s going into his 2nd full week now. Lucky guy gets to waterproof buildings right on the beach! Congrats babes I’m so proud of you. 💞 The weekend was long. Sunday April 14th was my baby brothers birthday! He turned 30! Happy Birthday Matty! Also, Sunday was my youngest daughters birthday! She turned 7! Happy birthday Jaylynn Taylor! I love you Pookie! It was to no avail to even try and wish her a good birthday. J wouldn’t answer my text or my phone call but I did leave a VM solely to Pookie. Now, Alyssa is next. Hers is on the 25th of this month. She will be 9!
You know this shit is hard to do sober! But I do and that is what keeps me going. I have found strength in my weakness you guys! I have decided to start doing some video’s! Just me and the camera and my thoughts. I’m still going to write but this way I can talk to my kids too! Anyhow, I’m super nervous to share the 1st 2 video’s but I’m gonna! I didn’t edit them (im still learning) and I am definitely just raw AF in it! Now, you can get a Lil bit closer to me! I hope you’ll watch them, comment, subscribe & as always share!
I shouldn’t be starting all over on this blog. I have one already you see! One that was my life until I got locked out of it. So here I am starting anew (until I get the other) but I don’t mind really I guess. If you know me you will know that I belong to Single Mom Talk. It’s my baby and I centered it around just that life as a single mother and all the emotions with it. I think here at Chaotic Candance I will get a bit more bold and try some new things. Who knows really!
You should know I am one with no filterand a life of pure chaos. Even in my simple moments I am pure chaos. I don’t know why; born that way I guess. It used to drive me crazy and I tried to fight it, but recent events taught me to embrace my chaos and learn to make it a beautiful thing! For me writing tends to keep it in line because I can talk to myself {yes I really do}, free’s me from stress, and gives me the opportunity to really view my life. I know somewhere I’ll say something to offend someone, help someone, & cause a little chaos but hey it fits right in just fine!
I can’t tell you what you will find on this blog that will keep you interested because I really don’t know what your looking for. However, I can tell you I will always be 100% honest, I will be real + raw + rambunctious, & post a ton of pictures! This isn’t a business blog, a craft blog, or a blog for nails & hair. Its a place where this one woman wants to share her daily life & how she manages it. I have real life issues & problems & maybe that is what will keep you coming back to see what I’ve been dealt next.
Whatever your reason please come back!
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Ask me anything you want! I’ll be happy to tell ya about it.
So for now I’ve got to go make myself look presentable encase I see someone important today!
Sober Soul Chic 