Tag: relationship

28 Questions Q15 | 06+07+19

Q15: What are you afraid to ask for? What do you need to speak up about?

A15: I am afraid to ask if TJ really loves me! I need to speak up about addiction & recovery.

The first answer is a touchy topic for me. I don’t talk about our relationship much because I have a lot of insecurities that I hide or at least try to hide them. When we were doing the drugs all we did was fight and spend every waking minute together. Of course there were moments where things were good. During the moments of intimancy things were always intense and almost an all the time thing. Now, that we are sober we have our own lives such as work, hobbies, and relaxing times. We each do our own thing and though we are still spending time together, things are not the same. I sometimes feel like we are roomates who happen to be intimate with each other from time to time. I know that I make him smile and that he cares for me deeply but I am not sure that he is “in love” with me. I don’t feel that tingling touch from him anymore because well he doesn’t touch me much these days. His kisses are pecks never really anything intimate. He used to look at me with desire and fire in his eyes and now I am lucky to get him to really look at me at all. When I walk in a room I want his eyes to fall on mine and I don’t want to question if it is love and desire that I see in them; right now all I see is uncertinaty. He doesn’t try to take me on dates or to do anything really special, he doesn’t ever just stop and hold me and tell me that he loves his life with me and that he is glad to be living this life with me. Now, I know I don’t do these things either and I don’t “try” right now much myself but I don’t want to put my all into this and then get my heart broken. He is the man in our relationship and I have always been very clear on what I need from him; so why don’t he try now? I just want to feel that fire from him that I felt when we first got together. I struggle with this a lot here lately. But I am too afraid of what his honest answer will be if I ask him, do you really love me?

Here we are!

Whoa, now that I am done with that brutally honest answer! I really need to start speaking up about addiction, recovery, and the like! I want to get out more and find others who need help and show them that there are ways to make it out and live a good life. I want to offer support, advice, and more to those in need of help from addiction. Most of the programs available you have to have money and I want to be able to help them no matter if they have money or not. I have began developing a plan to start putting this into action. Baby steps I guess, uh?

That is al for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q5 | 5+28+19

Q5: What is something you need to start saying YES to?

A5: Going to church more!

I don’t go to church nearly enough! It simply was not something my mother and I did growing up. So it’s a bit more difficult implement into my life as an adult. However, TJ & I went just this pass Sunday and let me tell you it was emotional. By the end of the service we were both in tears and I know now that I want and will be going back again. Over the past year I have gotten a closer relationship with my God and I definitely need to exercise that in all parts of my life. I know that God provides for us and we need to shower ourselves in his love so that we can see the true joy he will give us. So from here on out I want to make sure that I start saying YES when my uncle ask me to come to his service.

Yes my Uncle Lez is a Preacher and a funny one at that! I don’t want to offend anyone who follows my blog by speaking about religion so at this point if you’d rather not continue reading I understand but I want to share with you a FB live video of one of his services.

+CC