#beatingaddiction | 08+13+19

These images I’m sharing are hard to look at. What you are seeing is my downfall and my rise above through pictures. The top row is from December 2016 thorough March 2018! This was 27 months of pure hell and I still continued on for another 11, months making it a total of 34 months!!! The bottom row is just the last few months pictures from June – August! I started out with massive pain pill addiction from percacets to Roxy’s and During my most active addiction days I was a heavy Meth user. I battled with depression, suscide, and losing my children which was almost the death of me. I was down to 98 lbs and did not even know if I was going to live or die! I felt guilty, unloved, ashamed, and like I couldn’t find peace or a way out of the world I was living! 
But God has delivered me of my addictions and I have been given a chance at life and I want to show the world just how great, kind, forgiving, & loving our Lord & Savior really is! I’ve never step foot into a rehab nor have I ever attended a meeting for my addiction. I have asked God to forgive me of my sins and deliver me a clean heart! And he has! I am #175dayssober and I don’t have desire to use or go back to that life! I am happy, healthy, loving, and ALIVE! Everyday I follow the plan God has sent for me and I survive and I add another day to my life! I know #recoveryispossible and I will soon see my children again. If you are struggling with addiction of any kind and you think you can handle it you are wrong! If you think you are managing you are wrong! If you think you still love you family,friends, and especially your children the same way you are wrong! You love that addiction more than anything else while you are using and that won’t change until you MAKE THAT CHOICE TO STOP! But you can stop! I am just an ordinary woman but I want you to all see that it is possible to beat the Devil and start #beatingaddiction
Im living proof! | #mytestonmony#recovery#lifeafteraddiction#sobersoulchic#ShareStrong#rawandreal#methrecovery#pillrecovery#godwilldeliver#GodStrong#GodsPlan#heisneverlate#cleanheart

That wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be…

But that is the post that I shared on my IG (you can find the orginal post HERE) the other day. It is a collage of me in some of my worst active addiction days and then some of my best of me now.

Now, don’t get me wrong I know I have a long way to go but what I am trying to share is that there is hope for you to recover! I want you to see that I am not some person being paid on a commerical for a rehab center, I am a real person!

I have Gone from the top to deepest bottom and then come to rise above it all. These words I’m saying aren’t to sell you something or try to get you to subscribe! They are just me telling you exactly how I feel.

There are addicts right now struggling with wanting to get clean and not knowing what to do or that they can even do it because they have tried before and failed!

I did too!

But I want those people to know that there is a way out! There is a chance at life after addiction. There are steps, decisions, choices, and plans to make that will allow you to live a life full of pride, intergity, honesty, love, compassion, and so much more! Everyone is different and some will need more help but I assure you that if you WANT to stop you can do so! I want to help you and I want you to know you are not alone!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

#ShareStrong | 08+09+19

The normal social media lovers cannot live without Instagram! Some can do away with Facebook or Twitter even but most definelty they will no go without Instagram! Why is that I wonder? It could be the “photo” basis of sharing leaving the drama to a lesser more managable sense or even that the platform is much smaller! I know for me I love it because of the smaller platform and ridicioulsy awesome #filters.

But hey I’m just one girl! Who knows why the IG is seriously the most popular form of social media!

Anyhow, IG is filled with people using the ever so poplular # ordeal! I am a fan of this of course beacuse you probably know I use them in almost every post no matter where I am posting. Now, most people use silly #hashtags and create a movement that is drastically disppointing! But then there are some that use this to make movements that will change things in the current scene!

That is what my post is about today! #ShareStrong by Kate Upton

If you know anything about celeberties you will know that Kate is a insanely gorgeous American super model and actress. She has been seen on the cover of Vogue, Sports Illistrated, and Cosmo! She has the most beautiful fair skin tone and a huge smile that will blind you! Of course all of us everyday-ers like to think she is some out of this world person but we forget that she-they-them-being celeberties are also NORMAL people too!

Of course most celebs don’t share #nofilter photos or #makeagoodmovement hashtags but on this day Kate Upton has started something amazing! She most definelty wants to make a movement in a good way! I had to follow along with this because it pulled at my heart and I think it is something that we all need to be doing! Plus, its perfect for how I need to remind myself how far I have come!

You can see Kate’s orginal IG post HERE and mine HERE!

THE PHOTO I POSTED ON MY IG!

Today I’m sharing this picture of me with #nomakeup#nofilters and #noworries ….
I have been through a multitude of changes both emotionally, spiritually, and physically over the past 6 months. I spent just over 3 years destroying my entire life, mind, body, and soul with drugs & self destruction. But by the Grace of God and a support system of the most kind & Godly people I’ve ever met. I have overcome my drug addiction and self destruction to finally start loving myself again. @hillaryscottla shared a post that caught my attention about #selfcare& inspired me! @kateupton even more so wants to inspire everyone to help her spread #selflove through her #ShareStrong campaign. This I couldn’t pass up. It is truly just what I needed to see. So please help me by tagging someone you know is beautiful and strong and ask them to share with you #withoutthemakeup#withoutthefilters, and #withoutworries to show we are all beautiful!

Welp, there you have it! Now, what will you post to carry on #ShareStrong in your part of this world?

That is all for now

@chic_sober

Just a Lil Update | 07+26+19

The past few weeks have for one just flown by and for two been an emotional ride. I have cried good and bad cries, I have thought of things I normally don’t, I have seen people I have seen since I got sober, and I haven’t gotten to see people I so desperetly want to see. And this just puts a light note on everything that has been going down. I have not been able to write obvisouly but I got a new computer at work so now I can better tend to this blog like I want to.

There isn’t a way to explain my emotional status right now. I will say that I am learning more and more about myself every day and I am so thankful for that.

So whats new?

Church Camp!

Oh how it was an experwince out of this world. I have never seen so many people so passionate about God and his word. It was a beautiful things to see first hand. The music was fantastic and possibly one of my favorite parts. Of course ya’ll know I love music and this just made me want to jump to my feet and get down with it. There was 3 main speakers there and then a few others that joined them. I love all of them! However, Brother Carpenter was downright my favorite! I felt like he had a message that was sent just to me. You know I wondered why I was even going because I am so new to the church thing I wasn’t even sure I would understand a word that they were saying. But I was wrong! I heard those messages loud and clear, especially when Brother Carpenter got on the stage to deliever God’s message.

I don’t want to die I want to be a testimony!

Those words were so close to home that I keep playing them over and over in my heard over a week later. I cried so hard when the message sank in and I know that God was letting me know that he has plans for me to do something great with all that I been through and I know that I am on the path he wants me on. I hope you guys will take a look at what all happen at Church Camp. I’ll be making a post full of pictures and great detail about everything! I can’t wait to share with you all!

Trip to Alabama!

Yep! That is right! TJ and I took a week trip back to Alabama and loved every minute of it. I didn’t get to see everyone that I wanted too but we did see those closest to us, besides my Granny. The best part was getting to see TJ’s kids. They are a handful but they are so precious. KK his daughter was literally attached to me almos the entire time. And his son TK was the same way with his dad, that is until it was bed time and then he was certain he had to be snuggled up with me. I swear we played Monoply for 3 hours, jumped on the trampoline for 2 hours, and rode the 4wheeler for 9586595 hours! LOL but it was a blast. I layed them down to sleep and went outside to have the biggest cry I have had in a long time. I sat on the porch at 3am and cried and talked to God for who knows how long. His kids only live 15 minutes away from where J and Ash lived with my kids and it was really hitting home being that close to them and not be able to see them. Of course they all have moved to Florida now but it still hit home.
Anyhow, I can’t wait to share with you the beautiful and fun pictures I took of the kids. They are so precious!

School+School+School!

Whoa! I am in the 3rd week of my 2nd class and when I went to camp and then straight to my Bama trip it really messed up my grades so now I am having to make uip for that. But I am lovin my progress so far. My current class is Psychology of Play and it is ridicously fun! Should that even be when your in college? Well, it is and I have no complaints about that! I will be finishing up this class on the 5th of August and hopefuylly I can pull off a decent grade even though it took a couple hits. They sent me my brand new IPAD late last month and man oh man is that the coolest! Soon, I will be getting a MacBook Pro and for that I really cannot wait! I’ve made some pretty neat video’s and visual graphics thus so far in my classes and I’ll have to share with you more on school later!

Life+Love+Work

My everyday life is a blessed one. I can’t make many complaints because there are none to make.

FOR TJ AND I ARE 161 DAYS SOBER!!!!!!!

There isn’t any struggle for me in that department. God so far has kept the desire for that out of my mind and heart. I work in a wonderful office where I get to focus on my life and the things that are important to me, I have a cute lil apartment where TJ and Stella keep me the best company, and TJ is the funniest man I’ve ever known. I love him deeply!

I cannot tell you how blessed I am if I wrote 10000 post about it. But I am surely goig to try!

More later but that is all for now!

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q28 | 06+20+19

Q28: Who are your role models and what qualities do you share with them?

A28: I couldn’t dare share thier qualities!

But I will tell you that my role models are

Sister J

(Aunt) Tammy

Simply because they are amazing women and though so completely different I hope that I share the kindness, heart, love, and understanding that they hold.

That is all for now!

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q27 | 06+19+19

Q27: What choices are you are making right now that your future self will thank you for later?

A27: Staying sober, church, job, stability, & living life!

I have said this before but all the choices I am making today are for myself and my children! I want to give them a life and a mom that they can be proud of. For 3 long years I was making choices and even before that I was making choices that myself now kicks my own butt for. But now I am making choices that 3 years from now I know I will proud of myself for!

I choose to stay sober every day and life is so much better!

I choose to walk through this life with God and that is so much better!

I choose to work and keep a job and that is so much better!

I choose to stay where I am instead of run and move around and that is so much better!

I am living life instead of giving up and that is so much better!

I am doing everything I can to get back to my kids and live a good life the way God wants me to and I know that I will thank myself later!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q26 | 06+18+19

Q26: What parts of yourself are you ashamed of? What does your reflection in the mirror show?

A26: I am not ashamed of anything! My reflection shows…….

OKAY, I need you to understand that I am not ashamed of a single thing! I have done what I have done and that is that. It has made me who I am and lead me to this place and time and I would not change that! Of course I would love to have my children but I know that this is the way God has intended for my life to go and that things will be as they should be when the time is right.

I was ashamed of my life 6 months ago but I am no longer ashamed of the fact that I did drugs or anything else that came with it. I have moved on from those dark days.

My reflection shows a woman of 31 years with tears, heartache, love, joy, struggles and dreams! It shows blue eyes that hold a million tears, a smile that is slowly becoming real again, and a person who truly wants the best for those around her. It shows someone who has been homeless and hungry, high and out of her mind, and most of all someone who has overcome the darkest days of her life thus so far!

My reflection someone I am proud to stare back at!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q25 | 06+17+19


Q25: What things are you really good at?

A25: Writing/Words, Photography, Creative Thinking and ……..

I love to write. Any kind of writing it doesn’t really matter but I like it. That is why I have this blog, well that and I wanna share my story and I need a place to vent sometimes! 🙂 Or you could say that I’m just good with words. I can say the right ones or the wrong ones if I want too even. I have been this way since I was a kid and this is one thing that I love about myself!

All these are mine! 🙂 I took these 🙂

Photography. I love everything about it it! I find that I am pretty good at taking photographs and making them look to a professional standard. I love photography!

Creative thinking! I am creative in many ways and that is why I said creative thinking. I can find something creative in almost anything and that comes in handy with my current classes at school!

And…..

That is all for now.

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q24 | 06+16+19

Q24: What is something you wish someone would say to you?

A24: You are an inspriation!

HaHa! Doesn’t everyone want someone to say that to them!

I mean for real though I’d love for someone to tell me that my story helped them in some way. That I inspired them to live a better life. That would be awesome!

MEEE!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q23 | 06+15+19

Q23: What does your support system look like? How can you make it stronger?

A23: Like the Endless Sea!

Oh, I have been waiting to answer this question because it brings me great joy to talk about my support system or what I like to call them my “Encouraging Warriors! Because without them I would no be where I am today. Each ecncouraging warrior of mine help me in different ways. They each do something that the others cannot do because they’re different.

I love all of them very much.

I say that it looks like the endless sea because they are strong like the ravious waves, beautiful as the deep blue water, and endless in thier ways they offer me support.

I imagine it could only get better if God sends someone else my way to add to them.

God. He has brought me out of the darkness and fills my life with beautiful things. Not material things but things such as hope, smiles, children, love, friendship, trust, grace, mercy, forgivness, the Holy Ghost, worship, and so much more! I cannot do this without him in my life!

TJ is the solid steadfast foundation that I stand on. He catches my every fall, wipes my tears, takes my bad days like a rockstart, and reminds me that I doing great everyday. Having a relationship while USING together is detromental to your relationship. Being able to hold your relationship together AFTER your drugs use is RARE! We used together and now we are sober together. This is something that normally doesn’t happen but then again he and I have never been normal! TJ is the one person that even when I am mad at him and the world can still make me laugh til I cry. There are days that I am so down right rotten to him because I am dealing with emotions and the devil on my back and he simply tries to make it better or talk me through it. He doesn’t get mad at me or tell me I need to leave or that he wants to leave. He just sits there and lets me say or have whatever attitude I have with him until its’ over and I apolozie because I know I have been a complete arse! I love him for this and so many other things. He is my best friend. He is my rock. I love him!

Sister J at first I thought didn’t like me at all and I was sure she judged me because my mother is my mother and that just pissed me off. But in the past few months I have learned very different. She is funny and knownledge in all that matters: a life walking hand in hand with God. She gives me that motherly advice and sometimes when I really need it she will hold me while I cry. I don’t have to lie about the things I have done because I feel like I can really talk to her. Just the other day I left from work and about half way home I was crying a hard, soulful, loud cry and talking to God. I felt like my head was going to explode and then before I knew it I was at her & Brother J’s door asking if she was still home. I walked in and she just opened her arms and we stood there crying and praying and when I finally felt like I could breath she talked me through one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I literally felt a since of reliefe as she prayed for me; she is a true prayer warrior and when she prays God hears her words. I left feeling better. Then the next day I came home and crashed out because the darkness of depression wanted to creep in on me and yet again she rescued me by dragging my tale out of bed and telling me I needed to come to church! I didn’t want to but I did and I was glad too because I felt once again a feeling of reliefe when it was all over. She is truly a wonderful person. Who is also pretty funny and kinda sassy at times! But most of all she is a person that I look up too in many ways!

Brother J I cannot explain in words what kind of man he is! Kind, caring, understanding, and generious beyond words. He is a Pastor and a man that truly lives for God. Like his wife Sister J, he doesn’t judge me and hold my past against me. He simply does his best to show me how to live my life better and how to walk with God. You know TJ and I never actually asked him to live in the home he first put us in, we never asked for the jobs he gave us, or for the car he bought for us. He simply gave us jobs so that we can work and have money to pay him for our car and have things for ourselves. Him and his wife has just opened thier lives for us and given us the chance to save ourselves and be someone. Brother J carries with him at all times a comfort that is instantly given out to those when he walks into a room. His guidence and words of wisdom all come from God and a life of expereince. He has helped give me and TJ a chance at living life and having something one day. He knows our story and where we were 6 months ago but he still pushes us to do better and believe in ourselves. Every time I talk to him or see him I learn something new from him and I know that it is something I will need to know in the future. He carries so much on him I imagine and you cannot tell because he doesn’t allow it. His messages from God and being a man who wants to help others are clear to see when he is around. I cannot think of a better man than him! Not to mention he is a really funny guy too!

Those are the 3 main people I have in my life that are my support team!

Of course there are the 5 lil ones here with me and 2 lil ones not here with me that make my heart full of joy and love every time I see them. They may not be mine but they are loved by me deeply and I care about them. It is because of these very 7 children that I am able to smile most days. Thank you for sharing them with me!

There are others that help so much too Christy & her husband James, Christine & her husband Stephen, and even Brother & Sister J’s son Johnboy! And a few others that in thier own way show me that I don’t want to do drugs anymore and be the person I once was! They all help keep me sane and full of hope, love, and desire to do better. Each one doing something different and supporting me in a way that cannot be replaced by another.

They have become my family! And I will forever be grateful!

I love you all so very much!

That is all for now

@chic_sober

28 Questions Q22 | 06+14+19

Q22: What things make you feel bad, but you find yourself doing them anyway?

A22: Thinking of my kids and looking through our pictures!

I cannot help it. I miss their faces, their smiles, I miss every single thing about each one of them but I should not mentally mess myself up and sit and look through our pictures for hours.

THIS IS MY CURRENT SCREENSAVER AT WORK.

I always end up crying and angry for a time and that leaves me just in a horrid state of mind. But i do that day in and day out because I know that for every moment that I sit and cry it only pushes me harder to do my best for them to bring them back home to me.

So yeah, its bad for me. But I do it anyways.

That is all for now

@chic_sober