The 34th Day| 03+23+19

Today is Day 34 of being completely sober. My torement & pain is lessening each and every day. I can’t really explain it and I’m one who is good with words. I’ve been down this road before. Getting clean and trying to save myself. However, I’ve not done it with the mindset that I’m in now. Its easy being sober for me now. I don’t desire anything about it anymore. Nothing during that time frame was good and worth while. I lost EVERYTHING I EVER HAD. Not material things. The things that mean something.

My children, myself, friends, relationships, dignity, self-worth, jobs, my soul! I’ve been wondering around like I’m in some alternate Galaxy. I was beginning to lose my mind in ways that I would not have recovered. But by the Grace of God and with some help from TJ & a few others I am doing it.

I recently connected with a woman on her recovery road and she is changing lives. She is doing some wonderful things. She asked me to give her a run down of where I been and where I am. So I wanted to share with you the same.

Hi Pamela! Im so excited to have found you. I’ve spent days reading up on you, your website, and many of the woman you are in part with. I’m not only inspired but thankful I got on IG thay day and found your post through another post. I feel like God has lead me to you for so many reasons. Anyhow, let me tell you a bit about myself.

I’m 31 years old and a mother to 4 beautiful children. I was born in Dallas but raised all over from Tn to Tx but mostly in Huntsville, Al. I recently picked up and moved to Pensacola, FL about 30 days ago with my boyfriend Tyler and my mom CJ. This was something I had to do to save not only my life but my boyfriends as well.

In 2012 I divorced my husband of 10 years & in 2014 I became addicted to prescription pain pills. Mostly percacet and roxi’s. By 2016 I had a habbit of spending $350 A DAY ON ROXI’S. I began spending all my money on pills and neglecting my priorities including taking care of the things my children needed.

February 5, 2017 I lost full custody of my babies and by the end of March I was a full blowed Meth addict and began the biggest downfall of my life. Since March of ’17 I have been aressted multiple times, been in and out of my babies lives, lost family amd friends, and most of all failed God and myself.

I was last locked up from August to November of last year and that was probably what has me alive today. I was able to regain parts of myself that I had lost within those jail walls. Upon realease I stayed clean for about 30 days and then when i Missed a visit with my kids I relapsed. For the next few months I hit harder on Meth than i had ever before. This is because I missed ny visit and lost my visitation again and missed my son turning 13 and my oldest daughter turning 12. I have never missed their birthdays, even while on dope.

But on February 17th exactly 32 day ago TJ looked at me after huge fight and said we done! No more dope or else we will end up apart and dead. And we left the one place for us both that kept us on the drugs HOME!

But now we are days away from starting great paying jobs, obtaining new a new car and our own place. Everyday we laugh and he video chats with his kids. I am working on talking with my ex to gwt my kids back in my everyday life (i have some big fuxk ups to fix). We are clean and living free now.

I am a blogger and have been fir years. During this chaotic ride ive learned about myself and Ive wanted to make a difference and help others come out alive. I quit doing Meth on my own with no rehab or classes. I know its not always going to be easy. I cry a lot when I’m in the shower alone and I have some pretty wicked nightmares. But im doing this and I feel great.

So there’s a lil about me and where Im at right now. Im and open šŸ“– and hope to learn more about you. Im so excited! Have a blessed day!

Candance

Hey guys ! This is me just the other day!

So there it is. Ive been a mess but Im recovering. Thats all for now.

Chaotic Candance.

So It Begins| 11+12+18

I shouldn’t be starting all over on this blog. I have one already you see! One that was my life until I got locked out of it. So here I am starting anew (until I get the other) but I don’t mind really I guess. If you know me you will know that I belong to Single Mom Talk. It’s my baby and I centered it around just that life as a single mother and all the emotions with it. I think here at Chaotic Candance I will get a bit more bold and try some new things. Who knows really!

You should know I am one with no filter and a life of pure chaos. Even in my simple moments I am pure chaos. I don’t know why; born that way I guess. It used to drive me crazy and I tried to fight it, but recent events taught me to embrace my chaos and learn to make it a beautiful thing! For me writing tends to keep it in line because I can talk to myself {yes I really do}, free’s me from stress, and gives me the opportunity to really view my life. I know somewhere I’ll say something to offend someone, help someone, & cause a little chaos but hey it fits right in just fine!

I can’t tell you what you will find on this blog that will keep you interested because I really don’t know what your looking for. However, I can tell you I will always be 100% honest, I will be real + raw + rambunctious, & post a ton of pictures! This isn’t a business blog, a craft blog, or a blog for nails & hair. Its a place where this one woman wants to share her daily life & how she manages it. I have real life issues & problems & maybe that is what will keep you coming back to see what I’ve been dealt next.

Whatever your reason please come back!

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Please tell your friends, family, & enemies.

And please let me know if you would like to see me write about something!

Ask me anything you want! I’ll be happy to tell ya about it.

So for now I’ve got to go make myself look presentable encase I see someone important today!

Later Loves,

Chaotic CandanceĀ